i'm back at school, and it feels as though summer never existed. it's hard to believe that just last friday i was at work, editing reports and talking with foreign service officers. i kind of miss the office, but really i miss the people. they were admirable, inspiring, even if i'm not sure that i want to do that work for the rest of my life.

now school has resumed, and i'm already up to my neck in homework. ah, wheaton professors. they couldn't let us ease back into life here. instead, they had to WHAM hit us over the heads with readings, essays, the works. the presentation of the syllabus is always a little depressing; we hear all at once all that is expected of us for the next eight to sixteen weeks.

the greatest blessing by far has been having my parents here to help move me into my apartment. they worked SO HARD to help me settle in, and i don't know how i would have done it without them! my roommates and i spent six hours yesterday decorating the apartment. trust me when i say that you wish you lived here. one of my roommates is from togo, the other from the virgin islands, plus my own cross-cultural past. it's a pretty sweet apartment. my parents left this afternoon. rach, i've sent them to you with a beautiful fridge just for you and julie and katie.

right now, i wish i were on a beach...in the caribbean...heidi, jade, dan, and aaron, i can't wait until the end of the semester! =]

just five days left at State Department. i really can't believe that these ten weeks are coming to a close. i cannot possibly summarize the experience, but i know without a doubt that the best parts had to do with people. the office employees showed such an interest in the lives and futures of every intern, and i learned so much about their journeys to the present and plans for the future. one thing i've learned: every journey is unique. every IRF employee reached that position by a different path, whether it be law, education, the military, or even medical science. it's been great, but i am kind of excited about going back to school and seeing friends...though i want to curl up in the fetal position in the corner of my room when i think about homework and papers.

this is as superficial a post as you'll ever get. my apologies, but i don't have much energy to write more. i actually went to bed at 8:30pm one night this last week. i blame it all on my commute.

pretty much the worst part of this internship has been the wheaton homework. i really haven't met too many undergrad interns who are taking their internships for credit. i was hoping to write my ten page assessment paper today...didn't exactly happen. i can't concentrate on it.

exciting news of the week: my family is coming for a visit! it's pretty spur of the moment, and i'm very excited. i am trying to sort my work schedule out. the funny thing is that, were i a full-time, salaried employee, i think i would have more days off than i do as an intern.

i went to the national portrait gallery this week with claire, another state intern who works in TIP. we spent HOURS on just the "presidential" side, which also included fifty-one paintings from a national competition. we got a kick out of some of those, especially one particular work made out of lite-brites...claire, i'll never forget that trip as long as i live. =]

i can't believe it, but i just finished my last internship journals for my internship credit. these last five were soooo hard to write. but now they're finished, and i have to do the awful task of looking at my syllabus and figuring out when my paper is due. ugh.

in other news...i think i've decided (if such a thing can be decided) that working at State is not the thing for me. maybe nothing in DC is the thing for me. the city is so fun, and i love seeing the sights...but working here? i'm not sure. granted, i have a longer commute than most people, and dressing up every day is fun and all, but i don't know if i could do this for even a year. i'm thinking -- i don't know what i'm thinking. i don't want to barf my thoughts for the future all over xanga. but i am thinking, and i'm getting a little excited, actually. graduating is definitely frightening, but it'll also force me to live outside of studying and classes. i can't wait to attend graduate school one day, but one day in a couple of years.

and yes, fine, the journals have helped formulate some of these thoughts, even though they've been by far the worst part of this internship. i wish i just had time on the weekends to see DC instead of doing homework, but they have also forced me to think through some things. shhh, don't tell the polsci/ir department.

it's so easy to push the past away, and to forget everything in light of the future. some of you who know me better will laugh at the irony of me being lost in the future. aren't i the girl who constantly fights with dwelling in the past? i think DC, or maybe internships in general, have ways of pushing us into the future. i mean, this entire summer, everything talks about MY internship, MY connections, MY plans, MY graduation...it's easy to get sucked up into that. part of me feels it's a necessary evil. i have to make decisions at some point; i must start thinking of the future. and in DC, it's kind of easy to get excited about the future. the city is young, mobile, moving up and out and doing amazing things. there are so many people to meet and hands to shake and names to learn. and then there are slow days like today, where i spend time procrastinating from homework by visiting the old bfa site...did that actually happen? was i ever really a student at bfa? it seems worlds away. i thought i'd never, ever get over the pain of leaving there for the first time. grad was the absolute hardest 48-hours of my life. and when i go back, i am still reminded of the pain...but it's not the same. it almost scares me that i can become so swallowed in a place like this, because this place is so self-serving. it feels like a disease that's eating away at so many young adults. do they realize how unhappy they are? the cases of alcoholism are innumerable in this city.

i spend my days reading about religious freedom violations. one of my intern friends spends her days reading about human trafficking. Dear Lord, what have we become? i long for the world to be completely redeemed. all of creation is groaning...

life is busy, but so good. don't really have time to update right now, mostly because i'm aiming to go to bed earlier than 11pm. i love most things about my internship, and am thankful that even those things i don't like aren't awful, unbearable sorts of things. i am discovering that DC is the only city i've ever been in that i think i could call home. i am also discovering that i don't think it could be home for any extended amount of time. but it is a sweet city, and would be exciting for a little while.

people keep reminding me that fall semester begins in only six weeks. i must admit that this doesn't thrill me...i like the independence of being here, working, then coming home to personal time (except for these flipping journals), and i don't want to go back to college, where there is no delineation between school time and fun time because we could always be studying more.

i do need to go to bed. this is the first thursday since i've been here that i've missed Bible study at Fairfax, but this morning was too hectic to pack. i had the most vivid dream, in which i had already gotten mostly ready for work, so when my alarm actually woke me up, i was so sure that i was actually already dressed and ready to go that i kept hitting the snooze button. does this medical condition have an official name??

yep, not going to work today.

work should have been cancelled today. if atlanta shuts down in the wake of a centimeter of snow, then i feel like dc should shut down in the wake of flooding. i found out today that the city was built on swamp land...no wonder maryland and virginia didn't mind giving the land up for the good of the rest of the nation. it took THREE HOURS to get to work this morning. i kidd you not. i think the entire city was late to work, except for those who didn't have to go to work due to massive flooding in their buildings (as was the case for one of my roommates).

i love my work. honestly. i'll never understand, though, the unrivaled excitement i experience at the thought of work or classes being canceled. so that's my hope tonight -- rain rain, don't go away! i want to sleep in and have fun tomorrow!

work has begun. the most poignant thing right now is that my feet really hurt and my ankles are swollen like a pregnant woman. but that's only because present discomfort is so good at overshadowing everything else. i think that i am going to really like my work. i commute into the city everyday, just across the river from virginia. it takes over an hour to get to work, but i don't mind. i'm reading the feminine mystique, which is more interesting than i thought it would be. i wish i could appreciate how radical it once was. i am working under some incredible people with vast life experiences, and i hope to learn so much from them. i was immediately informed that this will not be an office in which i will be making copies and coffee; they intend to keep me very busy. my supervisor is very kind and very encouraging. he takes what little i feel i have to offer and trusts that i will be able to do great things with it. i am so excited about working on these reports, especially because i have used them for my own papers at wheaton, and now i have the chance to quote something with which i've helped! rach, he's very happy that i've been editing your papers; somehow, that makes me qualified to edit religious freedom reports. =] i am very tired, though, and happy to finally be settled in an office instead of trekking from metro to building to metro, filling out paperwork and working through the bureaucracy. i am going to sleep asap tonight, as in, by 9pm. i am also thrilled that germany one their game today, and can't wait to see them school sweden. just kidding, daniel...or am i???

good night, world.